Recently we have had a shocking experience with my mother falling ill. She had a massive brain haemorrhage on the 11th of April 2016.
On that Monday, I woke up early out of bed, got dressed and decided that I wanted to eat my breakfast in Mile End at a place called Meds. I got in my car, drove to a junction very close to me. In the UK you give way to the vehicle on your right. When I got to the junction, I saw a car to my left. It was my right of way, I didn't look at who it was, but through ego I accelerated to make sure I was the first one to cross the road and take my position. As I passed the junction to go across, I looked to my left and I see my mum in her car. I immediately felt very bad that I did not show my mum the right of way. She was going to work in the morning. She does care work, she takes care of old women around the borough. She is a very hard working woman. So, she was on the way to her job, probably from one job to another.
As I passed and saw her, I felt bad that I allow her to work at the age of 52 when she should be at home sitting down. I have always felt the concern for mum and for past 5 months previous from this day I felt more concern for my mum than ever. I wanted to follow her and make sure she reached her destination, but I didn't I carried on. I always worry about my mum driving and going places, especially alone.
I went on to where I wanted to go. I made a mistake at a junction just near the cafe thinking it was my right of way when in fact it was the way of the cyclists. I waved my hand to apologise to the cyclists and carried on. I parked up outside the place. When I got in and sat down, my concern was getting in trouble with police with regards to the cyclists, as cyclists nowadays start to use helmet cameras more often to help record incidents. I was worried about getting a fine of some sort or prosecution. My friend is a cyclist and he has always had incidents and close calls. My mind was also immediately on the parking outside the cafe, I was not supposed to park there after 8AM. I was a little upset about both the parking and the cyclist, thinking I have a double fine here.
I ordered my big breakfast, I thought it was all right, nothing special. I was thinking about work. I left my job at the end of November 2015. I was thinking about the jobs I wanted to apply for, I fixed my CV a few days before this and I was very happy with it. So as you can see, the focus of the day and the moment is about me, the jobs I'm going to apply for, the things I need to do. So I come driving home after the breakfast, I had a plan to return my ink toner to the local printer shop to get another one, I had too much hassle with the printer toner alone.
I came upstairs, my room was kind of clean, I got my ink toner and got it ready. The door bell immediately rang, I went to open the door and it was my brother in law with my niece. My brother in law and sister drop the youngest niece off on Monday mornings so that my mum can take care of them the whole day. So I open the door, he came in and I thought maybe I might have to drop my brother in law off to the station. He ended up staying for a cup of tea!
So I went back upstairs, continued my Skype and WhatsApp conversations with friends, talking about work and catching up etc. I went to the loo and went to my room quite immediately. Everything seemed pretty normal, nice bright kind of day, sun was out. I was dressed, I was wearing my black bomber jacket and my jeans. It kind of looked like I was going somewhere, only I just got back from the cafe.
I hear my brother in law shout my name, my door was partially closed (I think). I heard him shout my name in an angry and aggressive kind of way. I heard this, it made me quite angry that he was even shouting my name like this, as he usually does shout at us. He shouted my name again! I went downstairs into the kitchen, I think I started running to it. I think I heard my mum make noises.
When I got to the kitchen I was a bit confused and in panic. My mum was screaming and in pain. She had her hand on her forehead and making a noise, her face was distressed and eyes were open, she was falling off her chair and my brother in law was holding her up. I ran to her to ask her what happened, I thought the boiler that she was sitting underneath hit her head and she was in pain because she got up from her chair. I asked her "Ammi" (Mum), "Kee hoya" (What happened). I asked her continuously, I tried to check her head at the same time to see for anything. She was falling over but we had her held on that chair she was sitting on. We immediately realised something is not normal, I call the emergency services, 999. Mum continued making noises, she began to slowly to fade away, her eyes were open. Her eyes were wide open and she was in pain, something was not quite right. She was making a noise that was slowly fading, she began to lose conciousness, though at the time I did not know.
On the phone I had the operator with me, during this time I am giving the details of where, what and how my youngest brother has heard the panic in the kitchen and has got up from his sleep to come downstairs. I follow the instructions from the operator. I was shouting and talking as clearly as possible, some parts of panic were in me but I tried to remain calm as possible to hear the instruction and give the right information. We had to do certain things with mum. My brother and brother law based on the advice on the phone had to put my mum flat on the floor with her face lying up. I had to count the number of breaths and confirm by saying yes over the phone every time she was breathing. Her eyes were looking up at ceiling of the kitchen, open and dead straight, she was breathing, but it was like she was snoring, she had her mouth open. We thought this could be due to her diabetes. We tried to massage her leg to help blood flow. I remember trying to talk to her slightly, I remember giving her a kiss on her cheek.
The ambulance arrived within 8 minutes of placing the call. This was all happening around 9:30AM. The ambulance arrives and I run to open the door. Fortunately we live extremely close to the hospital. I see my niece, who was only 1 and a half at that point, sit on a chair with a spoon of cereal in her hand to watch something very dramatic. She didn't make a sound till just before the ambulance came, she started to cry. It all happened very quickly, as the ambulance crew rushes in, the door is left open. To my mums aid comes an English female with an Indian/Pakistani male. They rush in, within 2 minutes 2 further crew members arrive, one black male and another English female. Lots of equipment is brought in. They begin to have an immediate look at her, the older female crew member says, "I think she's had a brain bleed". I didn't know what to think, this is the first time I'm hearing anything about a bleed in real life. I assume she know because of her experience of the condition my mum was in and symptoms affected by. So the crew begin to check my mum with machines and other equipment. They had to tear off her clothes, I remained in the room while it happened. While all this was going on, my family members arrive, we have family next door to us and we have family directly opposite us. Aunty, uncle and cousins all arrive. The ambulance outside our house and the door being open told the tale from the window they were watching from.
Family members all rush in and begin to panic. I remember my female cousin beginning to cry. She took my niece. The ambulance crew members were ready to strap my mum up on a stretcher and take her straight to the ambulance vehicle. Two ambulance vehicles attended the scene, an additional motorbike came to give some equipment. They strapped my mum up and carried her to the ambulance outside, we cleared way to let them through. My mum was now on the ambulance and I got on too. She was being checked upon and things were being done to her, she was flat and I was sat down as they made me sit down. The ambulance ride was no more than 2 and half minutes to the emergency section at the hospital. My mum has now been rushed into A and E. I stand there very confused, no emotion, not sure what to think, I was shocked but my emotions did not catch up to me. My dua was with her. As the ambulance crew member forced me away from the A and E crew, which was a group of around 8 to 10 people I was put in a room on the side for the family.
I kept trying to go inside the emergency room, I could vaguely see something was happening to her from a far. I wanted to go over there, every time I did, I was forced back out by the doctor/consultant inside. My family now arrive, brother, uncle, aunty and the rest. My sister was called and was on her way home from work as soon as she got the news. While we waited in the room, zikhr and dua was on my tongue. This was the same thing that happened to my dad, an immediate rush into the hospital with A and E crew over him. More family members began to come, within a short space of probably 20 minutes lots of arriving at the hospital, phone calls came from Kenya, my friend in Spain, my other family around the UK.
After all this happens, we have the consultant doctor arrive and give us the news. The consultant doctor tells us that mum has had a massive brain bleed. They sent two CT scans (remotely) to the specialist hospital not too far that deals with neurological issues, and the result was that she was not going to have any operation of any sort as the experts said that the bleed was at the back of the brain, a crucial area and very deep in the brain. He said they can't operate on any area like this. If they could they would have sent mum almost immediately to the hospital and performed the operation. He said this is the worst possible thing that they were seeing inside the brain. He said that she is only going to have 1 percent chance to live. He said he is very sorry. At the moment, me, my uncle, brother law, sister and brother were in there to hear the news. I began to question whether the bleed was based on something she hit or fell to, he said no. This usually happens when someone has high blood pressure, although not proven that she had high blood pressure, she does suffer from it and its a possible cause.
We hear the news by an English consultant doctor, accompanied by another female nurse/assistant. We began to cry upon hearing such news. This is all within the space of an hour. He assures us that they are doing everything possible to help the situation. They were preparing for a room in the intensive care unit (ICU). Loads and loads of family turns up to the hospital all at once, everyone asking the same thing, what happened.
I will carry the rest on in another part. But, 2 days after receiving so many messages and calls I decided to write a message to send to inform everyone what was going on. The message was:
Assalamualaikum,As you may or may not be aware, our mother Misbah Afzal is in an extremely critical condition. She suffered from a brain haemorrhage on Monday the 11th of April 2016. The part of her brain which was affected was at the back of the head. This area of the brain affects the bodies levels of conciousness, respiratory and may regulate overall life of organs, systems and subsystems around the body. Allah knows best.We thank all of you for the duas and the effort being made for my mum and our family. We ask everyone to make a dua for our mother, but at the same time make a dua for your own mother. We take life for granted sometimes if not most of the time.Here is a hadith that you may be farmiilar with: A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet (PBUH) said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim) Her condition right now is that she is on life support. A machine is helping her to breathe, there is no sedative in place anymore. Though the whole body seems like its functioning in order, she does not have consciousness. Her body movements are very little. She is being taken care of at the hospital. The doctors have spoken to us and now told us that her condition is extremely critical as she does not show a sign of consciousness, in the next 24 hours we will see how she does, then further action will take place. Only Allah knows best.Right now, we would like to kindly mention, as much as we know you hope for her best, only immediate family are allowed in the ICU and that is only 6 people on the list. We as her sons and daughter, brother in law, son in law and the rest of us love her dearly. We can only sit by her side and be with her, make dua to Allah SWT that whatever course of action he desires he gives the best by giving her his infinite mercy and gives her nothing but absolute blessings. When this happens in life, you realise how powerless you really are. Every action and every move to every atom in the universe will not function without the permission of Allah SWT.We ask you kindly to make dua. May Allah give her blessings and mercy and make this moment and further moments easy for her. May Allah let the kalimah be in her heart and tongue.We will try to inform everyone as much as possible about what happens. Walaikum salam From the family.
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