38

Remember the time in 2005 on the last day or moment before Ramadhan was about to be over and you recited the Kalima in panic to get the last blessings. You were in brain fog but you didn't realise it for a long time. I was 18.

I don't really remember much of each birthday. Maybe 2007 when there was a cake at the cousins house. Maybe when my friend bought me a birthday cake and I felt embarrassed perhaps 2008.

2010 I remember my lovely mum bought me clothes while I had curtains closed in a room just watching movies and doing nothing.

2012 fixing a fuse to go somewhere. That was my birthday..

Some Ramadhan's with my birthday gone by.

Life is passing by quick.

Some of us aren't married.

We feel like we haven't even got the foundations to get married.

A few years will pass and perhaps looks will fade away in which you will have to decide if you really care.

I'm brain fogged, perhaps I don't have it in me. The urgency to make the moves. To press on. Organise things. I want to blame others. But I'll have to blame me myself first.

Every decision matters. Birthdays are just checkpoints of life there to reflect back.

I wish I could be 21 again.